These days

These days have been quite stressful. Although I am not particularly busy, but the thought of the “incoming” prospectus is quite a burden on my mind. It seems there is a huge pool of books and articles that I should read, and the task of finding relevant theories and construct them for my own is very daunting. Perhaps it is always true that the first step is the most difficult, but with the time ticking, I feel heavy pressure on my shoulders without knowing how to get off.

Today a woman from Conservation International’s China office called me. When she opened her mouth on the phone looking for a Mr. Han, I knew that she must be the CI’s program office from Yunnan. So we conversed in Chinese and I made an appointment to meet with her tomorrow evening for coffee. On the phone, she listened briefly of my research interest, and gladly she said she was interested and should be able to provide some help.. Hope tomorrow’s meeting will be good.

I saw a good Chinese movie the other day, and it is called “Tuya’s Marriage.” I should have written some review on it, but I am too stressful at this point to do that. Just briefly, it is about a Mongolian woman in Inner Mongolia and the various challenges she faced in her troubled life. Very slow-paces and heavy. The movie won the Gold Bear award in Berlin last year. Here is a pic.

Some good news

Finally, I heard back from the Sigur Center that I got the summer research grant this year. I have been quite nervous about the application this time as I got the grant last year already, and usually people told me that they only give to people once. So I am very surprised that it turned out good and I am glad that I can make the trip without too much concern of the balances in my own bank account.

Also, I heard back from the Conservation International, a big environment NGO located in DC, that they will have some of their staff members coming from China by the end of this week, and I might be able to meet them and talk about my researches in southwest China and probably give me advices and contacts for my research trips this summer. So my rant a few weeks ago about the NGOs didn’t return calls was just a farse.

Anyway, good news indeed.

Irritated and Desperate

I am quite irritated and desperate these days. It all started with my plan for the summer. As I have already in a stage that doing field research is imperative as to when I will be able to finish my dissertation and graduate, I have to do it this summer. This is nothing new as I have already made up my mind. However, the tricky part is, I think this time it would be better for me, in a way probably will be better coordinated, to go through some chanell such as NGOs or other organizations that have work in Yunnan.

So I did some research online and indeed I found a couple of NGOs working on big river development in Yunnan and the impacts on environment and more importantly, ethnic minorities dwelling along the Lancang (Mekong), Nu (Salaween) and Jinsha River. One is called Green Watershed (云南绿色流域）, which is based in Kunmin, Yunnan. The other two are actually in Arlington, one is Conservation International, and the other Nature Conservancy. There is also one called Internatioanl Rivers Network, which is in Berkeley, California. Then I think why not just call the two NGOs that are located in Arlington and talk to the people who are in charge of the China projects. So I dialed the numbers that are listed on their website. Someone did pick up the phone and then I asked whether I could talk to the China project guys. I don’t know why, however, both places directed me only to a voice message place, and left them a message. Later, a friend told me this might be a way for them to screen the incoming calls as they might be willing to answer my phones. Perhaps, as until now, nobody has called me back yet..

Perhaps this is how the world is run. If you don’t know anyone, they won’t pay attention to you. Similar to today’s experience, my emails to the Green  Watershed in China, and also some Worldbank people, also didn’t have any responses. So pathetic!

Gay Men Underwear Fashion Show

The past weekend turned out to be quite dramatic. Originally, I was thinking of organizing a night-out with some of my homo-Chinese friends, first for dinner and then go out to a bar etc. So I sent out an email to the group-list asking people to rsvp with me so that I can make reservations. The sad thing is only one guy returned my email to say that he wanted to come but couldn’t. The rest of people remained totally silent. It so proved my unpopularity and lack of charisma in terms of organizing night-outs. The remaining strategy is to pick up the phone and call people. Through this more primordial methods I finally made 6 people agree to come. Yet on Friday morning 3  B$%$%$% called me that they wouldn’t be able to make it. Alas, feeling totally humilated and embarrassed that I canceled the whole event.

So Friday night, except for the early evenings that I was helping C moving stuff, I stayed at home bored and alone. Fortunately at this time, E called me and told me that the next day there would be a gay men underwear fashion show in Cobalt. It instantly sounded fabulous!!!

Saturday, after I finish some gym work-out, I met up with E at 17 & R at 7pm sharp and entered Cobalt. The show started about half an hour later, and was sponsered by Lather Rack and Universal Gear. To be honest, I am no fan of lather and things, and most of the lather rack models were quite old and unimpressive. What was really eye-catching were the universal gear models, all young, lean, muscular and goodlooking. Quite a treat.

The show was a bit too long, and standing all the way in a quite crowded room was not too much enjoyable either. Then E and I left and met with some of his friends at Local 16th, a straight bar at 16 & U. We stayed there until 1 something and L suggested that we walked to the Chili Bowl’s for a mid-night snack. As it turns out, this Chili Bowl’s place was quite a landmark thing for DC as it witnessed the race riots in the 60s and 70s, and is still a popular place for people to go after night-outs.

The food itself, burgers, hotdogs, and chili frenchfries, were so so, and very american in the sense that very fattening. I ate a hotdog and some chili fries, although immediately regretted for the possible consequences.

I got home very late at night and slept almost all Sunday.

Cherry Blossoms and Things

The most famous yearly cherry blossom is right on in DC these days. Everywhere flowers come out, and of course the cherry blossoms are the most powerful and dramatic.  Today M, D and I went for a run along the waterfront all the way to Georgetown. Indeed, the weather was gorgeous and ran through the sea of flowers was quite an experience. When I was in Vancouver I used to run across the forest surrounding campus, but over there all year along it was green and running in the woods was just tranquil. Here in DC, the cherry blossoms are so sudden yet also tragic as they will die off in a week or so…Totally different experiences and feelings…In vancouver, people admire the tranquility of the forest, here we mourn the dramatic life of the cherry blossom.

Life with my self

These past few days I have all been with myself, didn’t go anywhere just stayed at home, doing some reading, then eat, and then sleep. Very simple. Its not that I want to be such a social pariah. I don’t. But it just so happens that nobody is around. People seems very busy, either going away or just didn’t answer my phone calls. It is not a good feeling, but I am afraid with me getting old, I have to adjust myself and learn how to adapt.

Trying to be a blogger

First thing is that I do have a blog somewhere else. The thing is it is somewhat complicated for other people to access it, and even more so to leave me comments. So without more affirmative words (commends compliments etc), I lost interest in putting further stuff in that blog. My friend S, and more recently a follower of her C, both use wordpress now, so I decided to join as well.

The timing for me to write a blog is actually good. Right now I am in a stage of plenty of free time. Free time that is boring time. I have successfully finished all my courseworks, passed and defended my comprehensive exams, and right now am at a stage of thinking very hard for a dissertation topic and even more difficult to write a prospectus. Everyday I am thinking a lot, so writing a blog on the side might not be too bad an idea. Probably i can write down my thoughts on my dissertation here….

About blogging, I have to confess, the biggest problem for me is to stick to it. I have the problem of lack of patience, and usually lose my interest after a while. A fad thing I must say. Hopefully this time will be different, but who knows?

So I urge my friends to come here often, and write my comments and give me encouragements for me to keep doing this….

Enze